Dennis Waterman is a minute actor who, unfortunately, never gets a part because he insists he should "write the feem toon, sing the feem toon" in every part he gets, much to the dismay of his theatrical agent, Jeremy Rent (Lucas). He bears little resemblance to the real Dennis Waterman, except that his 'feem toons' are based on the Minder theme tune that Waterman did write and sing himself (among others). The real Dennis Waterman has been quoted as saying "I did watch it, but I never saw that bit. I just saw a lot of some bloke dressed up as a woman". Catchphrase: "So they want me to star in it, write the feem toon, sing the feem toon..."