Linda is a university counsellor who always has a student in her office asking for something, usually course-related. Linda calls a man named Martin to grant the request and is asked to describe the student in question. While she often begins with complimentary descriptors, she ignorantly uses descriptions such as "big fat lesbian", "ching-chong Chinaman" and "Oompa Loompa" after the kinder words fail, much to the shock of the students in question.
In the last episode of Series 3, all of the students she had insulted in Series 2 and 3 came to tell her they wanted to place a formal complaint about her, but she called Martin to sort it out, she referred to them as "the whole cast of Fraggle Rock".
Catchphrases: "Martin, it's Linda", "How can I describe him/her", "That's right, (insulting epithet)"